The Grape Nazi.

So I'm standing in the line at the cafe at Good Earth with Vanessa, Terd and babies two nights ago. For those of you not familiar, Good Earth is a health food grocery store with a little cafe/restaurant attached. They serve a few pretty yummy items. I order my item and ask for the fruit bowl as a side, for Veggie Delight. I want you imagine the Grape Nazi as Angela from The Office. She kinda looked like her. Following is the conversation that takes place:

Me: Could you throw in a few extra grapes in that fruit bowl? She (pointing to Veggie Delight on my hip) has a hard time with the melon.

Grape Nazi: The thing is, if we give you extra grapes, there won't be grapes for other customers, that wouldn't be fair.

Me: (Thinking, Are you freaking serious??) Really??? I'm just saying I got like 2 grapes in there last time and I'd like a few more. For her.

Grape Nazi: Yeah that's usually the ratio of grapes to melon in each bowl.

Me: (Looking over at the fruit behind the glass display, exasperated.) Really. Because the grape to melon ratio actually looks like more to me.

Grape Nazi: No, it's not.

So, maybe I should feel fortunate that she doesn't yell in my face, "NO GRAPES FOR YOU!!" Instead, I'm pretty much boiling at this point. Are you seriously gonna stand here and bicker with me about this while there is a line behind me?? I wonder how many times she has to deal with that request on a baby's behalf. She must REALLY have to face that challenge often, of knowing exactly how to divide the grapes perfectly evenly between all the selfish grape mongers. Whatever will she do if that dreaded day comes when someone requests no grapes? She then would have a tremendous imbalance and probably would not know just what to do with the surplus. She left the cashier stand and I started to try to count to 10 in my head, but instead I started talking loudly about the atrocity to my sister. It didn't help that during my previous experience at that particular cafe, I ordered salmon, they were out of salmon. I ordered the quesadilla, they said they were out of rice. YOU WORK AT A GROCERY STORE!! How can you be out??? They've chapped me for the last time in a good long while.

I remember one time when I was at Teriyaki Sticks. When the girl rang up my total, I said, "Wow those are expensive. Are they going up in price?" to which she classily replied with, "We get the employee discount, so... we don't really care." She did indeed smile at me after saying that, and we stood there and stared at each other for a good awkward 2 minutes. She with that smile, (no ounce of maliciousness in the smile, just clearly happy that she didn't have to pay full price) and I stared at her in utter confusion, believing I had misheard her. I actually had Vanessa on hold on the phone during that exchange, but she heard it, loud and clear.  Directly afterward I heard, "WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?!? HAHAHAHA!!!" piping hot from my telephone.

I expect good customer service. I do not feel that my expectations are unreasonable. One of the factors that contribute to this expectation is the fact that I have worked many, MANY positions in customer service. Pretty much every single job I've had, I have dealt with people. And, I do in fact, like to butter them up. Even with the obnoxious or angry ones; by the time they are getting off the phone with me or leaving my place of employment, we are laughing and hi-fiving and they are inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner. And I don't find treating them that way is difficult for me. I do not believe that the customer is always right. I do believe however, that even when the customer is not right and I can't accommodate their requests, they can still leave feeling warm and fuzzy.

Dear Merchant, I do expect for you to greet me and smile. I do expect that you break away from the insanely riveting conversation that you are having with your fellow employee in order to attend to me (the cashier last night at Macy's was talking to the bagger about high school football; did not look at me once while I was checking out and I had to ask for my receipt because he was so enthralled.) I do expect that if I am standing there at the counter and you are on the phone with another customer, you will not talk to them for 15 minutes straight and pretend that you don't see me. You will put them on hold briefly in order to acknowledge my presence there: "I'll be with you in just one moment," and flash me your pearly whites. Are these things really too much to ask??

If wearing your hair in a ribbon is not your thing, if being kind and accommodating and professional is too much to ask, there are hundreds of jobs available that require no interactions with other human beings. And bless your heart, no one will be mad at you for seeking out a position that magnifies your strengths.