To Lighten the MOOD around here...

You know how google tries to be all omnipotent and predict what you're trying to type in its search engine before you actually type it? Well, today I started to type "is baltimore dangerous?" (since that's where we're headed for our internship this summer. HOLLA!) and just as I typed, "is ba..." into my search engine, my good friend, Google, suggested the following predictive searches:

Is Barry Manilow homosexual?

Is Barry Manilow married?

Is Barack Obama the antichrist?

Is bacterial pneumonia contagious?

Is baptism necessary for salvation?

I'm interested to know how the crap Barry Manilow ended up on this list twice? Really, people? Barry Manilow?!

I guess I have to acknowledge that our friend, Lincoln, could be partially responsible. He's a die hard Barry fan. We were recently chatting about going to Vegas together and the first thing that popped out of his mouth was, "We could catch a Barry Manilow concert!" My eyes immediately shifted to Terdwho was already making the face I knew he would be. The face he only makes when someone suggests somethingtruly preposterous:

Strangely, I get this face thrown in my direction more than any other... BUT, judging by this google search, Linc isn't alone in his jonesin' for a little Barry after all.

I did appreciate the Obama one. It's nice to know I'm in good company. Just kidding. But seriously.

Befuddling as this was, this amusing little list is not the primary purpose of this post. The real mind-blower that caught my attention came in the form of a little splash of self awareness called "my list of recent google searches," which conveniently appears below the most popular predictive searches list. It has never occurred to me to look at my recent searches... and mine was a shameful list indeed...

1. what is the male equivalent of mistress?

2. facts on farts

3. injuries at the stratosphere

4. ugly old couples

5. is all nudity edited out of "300" for TV?

6. Megan Fox's toe thumb

7. how much money do I have to make to afford a million dollar home?

8. easiest way to make yourself throwup

9. my husband isn't fun

10. top 10 hedge fund launches in 2009

11. calories in chocolate chip cookie

12. how is the HGTV dream home winner chosen?

I wish I could say that I share my laptop with a teenage boy. In fact, that was my first reaction as Terd looked over my shoulder, beholding this list--to look around all shifty eyed for someone to point the finger at. But alas, this list is mine, and mine alone. Aside from that "top 10 hedge fund" one... which was clearly an impostor named Terd.

As if this post wasn't self-indulgent enough, I feel the need to explain:

1. what is the male equivalent of mistress?

I have one. And wanted to know what to call him... turns out this is a topic of much debate and confusion. The general consensus is "a kept man." That'll do.

2. facts on farts

This search came as a result of an argument between Terd and I about what, indeed, causes his varying degrees of stink. Sorry, Terd. You couldn't have expected me to take the blame for this one. I'm dainty and petite. And have never farted.

3. injuries at the stratosphere

Important due diligence for upcoming Vegas trip

4. ugly old couples

are funny to look at

5. is all nudity edited out of "300" for TV?

We were contemplating watching this on TV and I was doing a "boobie" screen, of course.

6. Megan Fox's toe thumb

My hilarious cousin, Jill, recently wrote about this on her blog and I had to investigate. Google image this one. You'll be terrified and exhilarated all at once.

7. how much money do I have to make to afford a million dollar home?

Getting greedy on a student budget

8. easiest way to make yourself throwup

Don't be alarmed. This was simply necessary information I considered after single-handedly topping off a box if cherry cordials and feeling sick to my stomach--however, when I beheld the crazed bulimia society offering up their abusive and disturbing suggestions, I was turned off by the whole idea in general.

9. my husband isn't fun

After Terd didn't fill my attention quota for the night, I wanted to arm myself with some zingers to use during the fight I planned to pick with him.

10. top 10 hedge fund launches in 2009

Impostor

11. how many calories in chocolate chip cookie

See #8. Turns out I'm a comfort eater. Don't you judge me.

12. how is the HGTV dream home winner chosen?

So WHAT if I feel like it's my lucky year?!?! (Secretly I do)

And there you have it. Don't you feel much better now that I've put your minds at ease and explained myself? I know you do, and you're welcome.

Thank you, Google, for always trying to read my mind. And for storing my guilty pleasures in your search list to remind me of how ridiculous I am. And for asking me just now if I meant "ass burgers" when I tried to google and learn more about Aspergers Syndrome. You're the best.