Dream #1: I'm at my grandmother's house. (She passed away in 2001.) My dad's mom, our Nana. We are all having a barbeque or something. I don't remember all the details but I do remember, suddenly my Nanna and I are out on the back patio alone. We are having easy conversation and hit a slightly awkward moment of silence. Nana seizes this silence and starts to shakily get down on one knee. At that moment I realize: my Nana is proposing to me! I don't wanna hurt her feelings. I have to let her down easy. I stop her before she gets all the way down on her knee. "Nana, I can't! The thing is, I'm already married." She starts arguing with me about all the reasons we should get married. She is really upset, so I hear her out. She says, "You're just going to abandon me like everyone else! Why won't you commit?!" I keep telling her I'm already married, to Ricky. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. And if I wasn't already married??? Why do I keep using that argument??! This is wrong on SO many levels!! "Nana!" I yell, interrupting her. "Grandmas aren't supposed to marry grand-daughters! It isn't right! It's just not meant to be! And even if we weren't related, which we are, and it's not distant, we're both women! And you're much too old for me." She hears me out and it starts to resonate with her. I put my arm around her, both of us throwing our heads back, having a good laugh about it. We walk back inside to join the rest of the family as I'm thinking, Phew! That could have been really awkward! Nice save Mer!
#2. I'm a bridesmaid at Tamra's wedding. (That part did happen last October, in real life.) But in my dream she has asked me to wear this ridiculous little Richard wig:
Except mine is even worse than the real little Richard because mine's pulled down into my eyes for some reason, so I can't really see where I'm going. I keep wanting to take it off, but the voice in my head says, No. This is what Tamra wanted. It's her special day. Anything to make it perfect. So I'm a stumbling idiot running into things because I can't really see, and I can't seem to adjust the wig to move it out of my eyes either. While we're waiting for the ceremony to start in this strange chapel, I can't walk straight at all. My ankles keep wobbling and giving out on me. I look down at my stilettos to find that someone has sharpened my heals into razor sharp points! Who would do such a thing? And the other bridesmaids are being so mean to me. I'm asking them where we line up and they are just giving me crusty glares, like, "Who invited her??" The bridesmaids are all getting ready to sing the opening song of the wedding, an EFY song nonetheless, but we've never practiced it. We do a so-so job with it, and have to walk down from the "stage" to join the rest of the audience. I look down expecting to see stairs but only find a steep hard-wood slope that I've got to get down somehow in my razor sharp heals. I slip and tumble all the way down while the chapel full of guests watch, (Princess Bride style, without the yelling of As you wish as I roll). Lots of ex-boyfriends are present to witness this all.
#3: We are in Hawaii, snorkeling. Ricky is wearing his red swim trunks and we are gliding along ever so peacefully above the coral and fish. We are in love and holding hands. We let go but I'm keeping his red shorts in the corner of my eye so we don't get too far apart. All the sudden I'm seeing the red shorts torpedoing away from me. Why is he swimming so fast all the sudden? So I'm struggling trying to keep up, dog paddling rapidly. But I'm still just barely trailing him, he's swimming much faster than me. He's trying to lose me? What the..??? He's gonna get an ear full when we resurface. I finally get close enough to grab his hand. He pulls it away and turns to face me underwater. We are in deep enough water that we are now floating vertically facing each other. As he's turning, I'm a little confused at how much being under water is distorting his body. Wow, he looks really different underwater. He looks totally scrawny, sunken in pecks and a total beer gut. Weird. I don't think much of it. He looks at me and I at him, still under the surface. He raises his arms and shrugs his shoulders at me as if to say, "What do you want??" And I don't know why he's been trying to escape me so I simply mimic him in return, do the shoulder shrug back, thinking, "What is your problem, honey??" At that moment I notice silvery hair on top of his head above his mask, billowing in the sea water. With great horror, I see that this not only doesn't look like Ricky, it is not him at all. No, no. It's in fact an old man, must be in his seventies. An old man who happened to wear red swim trunks as well that day. Panicked, I swim frantically to the nearest shallow spot where I can stand up, and when I do, I see the man of my dreams at least 20 feet away from me, standing up also, wondering where his bride has swam off to.
The strangest part about these dreams is that while the first two are indeed dreams I had in the same night, ridiculousness induced by hormones I'm sure, the last story, beginning with #3, is not in fact, a dream at all. It indeed happened in reality, exactly as I describe it above. And I thought this would be a good place to slip it in, because in comparison with my dreams, it doesn't seem half bad. I really did underwater stalk an old man and I did try to hold his hand for a good 10 minutes or so, making him feel the need to hurriedly swim away from a dangerous young siren trying to lure him into the depths of the ocean. I did even try to grab his leg at one point to get his attention, only to get my hand kicked off, and I did call him a swear word in my head thinking he was my Ricky. We did stare awkwardly at each other for a good 60 seconds, and I did give him the shoulder shrug back, still thinking he was my husband. I could have given him a heart attack for heavens sake! Just needed to tell that story for the posterity. They need to know about the good blood that runs through their veins.
And yes he would still have me. Even after I tried to leave him for an older man.
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